Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Confessions

I am not one of those people who blog with a lot of emotion. Recently though I've had a lot on my mind and I don't keep a journal so this is where I am coming to write.

Have any of you ever felt like you want to progress or make a change but you just feel stuck. Here are my goals that I just can't seem to achieve:

  • Be healthier than I currently am and loose the weight I gained during my back injury
  • Become more diligent in my daily activities to increase my spirituality
I'll just leave it at two for right now. My desire is there but for some reason i can't seem to move from Place A to B. No matter what I attempt nothing seems to work. I just can't figure out how to move from where I am at in another direction. My weight loss goals seem totally unattainable. This isn't like a 5 pound goal loss. I am just at the point where I want that change but I am so depressed and upset about where I currently am. I can't even accept my husbands compliments and I haven't felt beautiful for a while.

My mother said something to me and my response really shocked me. She said that while trying to loose weight I need to learn to love myself right now. I told her I wouldn't allow myself to love me while I look the way I currently look. I don't want to feel this way so something needs to change.

I want to love myself. I want to feel beautiful. I want to be healthier. I don't think these are bad desires are goals to have.

Well, enough of that. I just needed to express myself. I haven't even done as much expressing of my mind as I would like I just couldn't keep all of this inside any longer. Any ideas for motivation or brain power I am all for it. I feel like I am doing the right things to succeed but my mind just isn't being supportive perhaps.

Since I have no pictures to entertain you I will end my monologue. Thanks for listening.

2 comments:

  1. Laura, Laura, Laura. What are we going to do with you. But your mom is RIGHT. You have to love yourself. In the last 3 months I lost 12 lbs doing Jillian Michaels online program and she will tell you ALL THE TIME, "Embrace your weight loss.' It is and will be a part of who you are and it needs to be a positive thing. NOT a chore, but a process, like your spiritual process. It is always a process we have to go through to make any kind of changes, both inside and out. Remember, be happy with where you are right this moment, because happiness isn't something that happens when and if........it is right now.

    Hugs coming your way from WI.

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  2. You are beautiful inside and out! Miss you tons!
    xoxo

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